If I were a man…
It is really a very adventurous thought because I have no clue what men think (like really what they think.. not what I think they think). But I have some weird ideas for what I would do if I were a man. Some would be crazy, some very simple and obvious.
1) Grow a moustache – I would grow a moustache but no beard. I would keep a french cut may be, but no beard. I will try experimenting with long moustache, Charlie Chaplin moustache, Chinese and Japanese moustache and of course the Mangal Pandey look. I was thinking about a real cool moustache- beard combination. Luckily, I found a pic for it. The Batman Moustache!
2) Pee in a public place – I think this is the biggest advantage of being a man. You can just stand and pee anywhere if need be. I would pee on the roadside, mountains, parks, rickshaw stands, I have no clue where else I can do that but I would if I were a man. Let us face it, touring as a female is so painful. Traveling long hours and holding the bladder is not fun. Men would happily pee off turning their backs at us. I wish I had that kind of freedom. I would have to go into the bushes and still try to be aware if anyone is looking at me. As if it is a very interesting site 😦 Damn! I wish I were a man.
3) Stay out late: I would stay out really late and not have to bother that parents would worry. Honestly, I have not seen night beyond 11 pm. Beat that! I have never seen midnight. I would just fool around with my friends and be very carefree. Not always, at least sometimes. I would really love to have that kind of freedom. I mean, look at my brother now. I would want to exchange his life with me.
4) Date a very hot girl: I would love to date a girl who is well groomed. Not because I fancy women, I just like the way some of them groom. They must be taking a lot of effort to look perfect. They must be spending so much money on it. I would love to slide my fingers on her smooth waxed shaved arms. I am not so well groomed and I would really not take the effort and spend my hard earned money on it but I would love to know how men feel to have a girlfriend like that.
Sometimes I feel I was never brought up as a girl. No one in the family wanted to know what changes I am going through, what questions I have and I never got the birds and bees talk. I understand how awkward it would be for my parents to talk about these things but they totally forgot that I am a girl. The expectation from me of taking my own decision was so immense that I think I have ended up living like a boy to meet those expectations. I really don’t know what a real girl feels like. I am somewhere confused.
5) Will be a very good boyfriend: I will be very nice to her. Ask her what she feels or wants because maybe even she has faced what I have. I will have my own mind so I might disagree with her at times but I will let her know of it, nicely. Women are sensitive so I will try not to shout at her when I am angry. I would slow dance with her when she is upset and I will hear her out. She will be as educated as I am, working as hard as I am and have too many people expecting things from her.
I will understand and ask her for my special time when she can give me that. I am sure she will appreciate that. When I am away, I will make her feel that I am around. After all, she tries to manage so many lives including hers.
6) Pick-up lines: How I want to do that! I would hit on girls with cheesy pick-up lines. I actually won’t pick them up because that would be very embarrassing for the girls and me. So yeah just say those lines and move out.
7) Wear shorts all the time: Except for going to office I will wear shorts all the time. It is the most comfortable outfit. But in these local trains it is so difficult for women to travel in shorts. I would definitely want to be a man and wear shorts in local trains. I will not have dirty eyes looking at my legs. I will not have to fear that I am attracting some unwanted attention. I will not have to be conscious and make sure no body is doing any thing hanky-panky around me.
8) Don’t have to shave legs and arms: Yes it is a pain. But how would a hairy woman look like? 😦 I will be free from all these hassles. I know how men complain that women take forever to get ready. Try and shave every inch of your body before leaving for some function, you’ll know. I will be free from that if I were a man. Of course, no waxing. Phew! That would be a relief.
9) Take my shirt off while driving: Yes. Women have these ridiculous things hanging on their chest called breasts. That why we can’t drive shirtless. Unless I am in some European country where they do that anyway. But this is not Europe and I don’t think I can do that here and get away with it. We feel hot too. But if I were a man I would take my shirt off and drive happily.
10) Freedom: Most importantly, I will be free to do what I fell like when I feel like. I will marry the girl of my dreams without worrying too much about what my parents will think. Ironically, in boy’s case parents accept the daughter – in – law kind of with less drama. Girls have to fight with their parents to marry the man of their dreams. They have to put up with high class drama while living with them and look into their eyes each day when they keep looking for clues of whether the girl is going to break-up with the boy because they don’t like him.
11) I will secretly cry: Because if I am a man I will be far more sensitive than I am right now. I would want to cry and also not show my tears so that people don’t judge me. As a woman, I can cry my heart out but being a man I can’t do that. Men are supposedly the stronger sex so they can’t cry.
Being a woman really sucks. The pain, the agitation, the frustration, the irritation, the nagging, the insecurities, the trouble that women go through is really not worth. I wish life was a little simpler for women too. So, I wish I were a man. But I am not. I am a girl and I will have to live thinking that, that is pretty cool too.