“Expectations are the root of all heartache” – William Shakespeare
I totally agree with you dude…
Is it supposed to work like that always? Every time I expect something it doesn’t turn out the way I want it to be. I just get so upset that it is appalling. I snap. I know why I am angry. People think it is unfair. Either I shouldn’t expect anything or not feel bad when it does not turn out right. But I know better than that. What about the time when people expect things from me? Why should I go the extra mile to fulfill what others expect of me? Why can’t I, for a change let you be angry and take you granted? Because I just can’t.
The books about ‘accepting everything the way it comes’ is total bull crap. Do not expect anything and you are awesome. Right? No. I do not know how I would have performed better in exams if my parents would have not expected it from me. I do not know how I would have fought the fear of height if my coach would have not expected me to. How would I have done anything if people would have not expected it from me?
I doubt myself sometimes. Even if I am doing a selfless act I sometimes feel I am expecting something in return. That would be so wrong. I mean to say, expecting is human nature. It happens consciously or unconsciously. It is the motivation to do things. It is the bond we have that we do not realise. We are not all saints. Please.
I know I think a lot but I have my justifications. Doesn’t mean I have to justify. The kindness and goodness of my heart is adulterated by a million expectations. I become sad. Withdraw myself from the goodness. That is even worse. Because I am not meeting even my expectations from myself. I want to be the go-to person for my friends. I love it and am always satisfied doing so.
Between this war of my expectations from me and from others, makes me a very confused person. I hold back a lot of goodness that I can give just because I was disappointed. Then I do stupid things like listening to songs like “Heal the world”, “Sunscreen”, “It’s a beautiful life”. By the way they are good songs. You should listen. Then I force a smile. My cheeks ache. More than that, my heart aches. I cry. Drop a tear or two and come back to life.
I become fine again but my expectations from others drop each time this happens and my expectations from me increases even more. People would say that I should check the reason every time I do something. But I don’t want to. I want to be my selfless self. But believe me it is difficult to bounce back. It hurts but I can’t put the feeling in words. You ask me what happened, I won’t be able to put my finger on it. But if people do not fulfill my expectations at least I should fulfill my expectations from myself.
So here I am. After 500 words of blabbering, I am still the same, will still be. Will try to be happy and continue to expect and be sad and bounce back. I believe the right thing to do is HOPE and not EXPECT. That sounds like a wise man advice.
*Forcing an ear to ear smile* 🙂
Have a good day!