Do you love the person or just the idea of that person?
Love is simple. Said no one.
We give love, a lot of undue consideration for being all celestial and heavenly. It is in fact formed in our minds. We love some, we hate some. No cupid has any role to play here.
Have you ever come across a situation where you loved a person dearly and suddenly one day don’t feel the same about him/her? Could be a dear friend, a close relative or your life partner. People keep falling in and out of love and that is fine. We only forget that our minds perceive certain things and make us love or hate somethings or someone. If this was not the case then why some people you hate, have a friend circle?
There is a reality and there are things we think makes us happy, how certain people make us feel, how we see the world, and how we make ourselves feel. Everything is intertwined with the worldly truth. In all this, we will allow external forces to change our minds according to our needs and wants. We let our emotions affect by people and events, and let them influence our thought process.
Are we all not guilty of making decisions the way we are feeling currently? We do regret later because the decision had nothing to do with what you have been feeling. We do this to ourselves and most likely we do this to others.
Have you wondered why two different, perfectly good people fall apart? Being right or good doesn’t seem to be enough for people to fall and stay in love for long. Could it be because you did not love the person, you loved the idea of him or her? As humans we all need to feel secure, loved, pampered and handled with care. As long as the person does this for you, you love him. The moment he is a little aloof you start to not love him. Is it that simple? Well, no one wants to be alone so we stick around people and not keep changing the way we think about someone. It is not that simple. Loneliness can be very cruel. So we do stick around for a while whether we are in or not in love. Our mind tricks us to adjust our ways and do all we can to stick around. But for how long?
Change is only permanent. Things change. People change all the time. This is one fact everyone knows but when the time comes our mind plays with us and refuse to believe. We love the idea of this person and we do not want him or her to change. We loved the way he treated us, behaved with us. Change is a shrewd cousin of life. People change significant parts about themselves but the soul remains the same. There are little things about that person that will never change. And we fail to see it. Not our fault. Just a fact. Maybe, the person changes the way he or she approaches a problem. Maybe he was a real problem solver and now he is not or vice versa.
Am I being the devil’s advocate? No. You can’t avoid the change. The question here is till when will you love the person if he or she has changed. Because you are in love with the idea of him more than just him, it will be difficult to hang on. Therefore, first few months or years of a relationship is always good. It only becomes an effort in the later phases. It becomes a battle between your heart and brain and you fight hard to hang on no matter what the change in this person is. The time after the honeymoon phase is most challenging. Like I said before, it is okay to fall in and out of love. It is very natural. We make our decisions based on our perceptions and we also somehow impose it on the person who might not have a clue what you are going through.
There are two things here; change and our interpretation of the change. We cannot control the change but we can definitely work on our interpretation. No one is asking you to bend but make sure your current emotions are not affecting your perception. Best is to let things be. Nothing is permanent. Good or bad. Maybe, if you let it be, situation will change again and this time you will find it favourable. Thus, you will be able to love the person and not just the idea of him.
Just a last thought. We don’t know what the other person is thinking. Maybe you have changed too. Give him and yourself a benefit of doubt and don’t over – work it. You might then be able to stay in love forever.