I wonder why and how I decide on diet. If you ask me I start off really well. After few days it is so bad that I cry out for help. I do not want to do anything that jeopardizes my effort of full 3 days! Believe me, it gets pretty bad.
I keep falling off the wagon and get back on with a few scratches here and couple of bruises there. I learn my lesson and go back to where I started. I want to give up and be like a normal person. I don’t know why I climb on this diet wagon again.
Well, honestly it feels grand to be there. It makes you feel good about yourself. Even though you do not see real results in a couple of days, it makes you feel good about trying to do something for yourself. A friend says, ‘The key to diet is balance. Don’t starve yourself.’ I think, maybe she is right. The very next moment I get a tempting invitation from her to have a samosa or so. Yeah right babes! Balance is the key.
Sometimes you find a fellow soldier fighting the same war. Both of you are fighting the same damn battle, perennially. You know you are not alone. All the diet restrictions don’t make you feel all that left out. As enthusiastic as you sound at first, you know this is meant to be. Until, one day one of the soldiers wants to have biryani. And the other soldier is forced to surrender. Before you know you have submitted to one gulab jamun, one rasgulla, one pav bhaji, one pani puri, one egg curry, one jalebi ; you get the drift right? Your best mate becomes your worst enemy and you want to defeat him or her in a cross fire.
The biggest problem is, you exchange your most loved food with worst hated fruits and vegetables. My inner goddess, who is a foodie, starves for that one morsel of heavenly food meat. I apologize to her again and again, and tell her it is for my own good. That she will benefit from it someday, is my guarantee. I don’t think she is ever on my side. She sulks and says, ‘C’mon babes. One piece of chocolate won’t hurt’. I give in because I don’t like seeing anyone sulk so badly for food. Then one piece leads to another and before I know I have conquered the entire damned chocolate bar!
I feel pretty bad to get a head start at things and then back off with double the speed and vigor. What is that you say; consistency? I have heard about it. I think that is a myth too. One can’t think about being consistent about food. You eat when you are hungry. You eat when you feel like. Playing cricket well consistently, now that is a real thing. Consistency in matters of food is a sham! I would rather eat constantly than monitor every morsel consistently. No can do.
At times, I feel I am trying to get away from who I really am. Like they say, you are what you eat. Of course, I am not a fruit or vegetable. I am flesh and blood and meat. I am sweet and spicy. I am fatty and full of energy. My blood is not fruit juice and my skin is not cabbage peel. Thanks Instagram and Pinterest for telling me that banana smoothies are great detox. Thanks for showing me pictures of people who changed one eating habit and lost 50 pounds. Thanks but no thanks. If I am to follow these fads I will have to flush myself out of my own body.
I think my body has found a default setting for myself. I was never a thin kid anyway. I mean people feel uncomfortable around me if I lose any weight. As if it is the most unnatural thing they have seen; more unnatural than a dog opening the door by the door knob to enter the house. ‘Tu aise hi acchi lagti hai’ (Means, You look good the way you are). I kind of not like it too much when people say that, but in a way it is beyond just comforting. So, thank you people for saving me from having a low self-esteem.
Coming back to balance, I really don’t know what it is. Mom makes amazing masala dosas. I can’t say I will have 40 ounces or 200 calories worth of Masala dosa and a cup of green tea. No you don’t do that. It is outright rude and stupid. You hog till you can eat no more and drop on the bed and thank god and mom for feeding you. Food is a mix of physical and emotional need. You are satisfied only when you over eat one extra morsel.
And you know what? That is all.
I thought once upon a time, that I will learn to balance things, in terms of food. If anyone has already done that, I respect you guys. But it is exhausting to keep track of everything you eat. Even if you do, what is the point of it anyway? You are not a vehicle in which fuel is fed and it runs accordingly. You are humans. We have learned to appreciate good food by over eating it. We have also learned to spit out bad/stale food. It is as simple as that. The output of this fuel called good food is appreciation.
Oh what do I do about my weight now, you ask? There certainly will be a way to lose the extra kilos but I will never love myself the way I am if I try to do what I don’t believe. Even if I have fruit, I will do it because I enjoy an apple, an orange or a banana. Not eat melons because they are mostly water and helps you lose weight. No!
Balance for me is about knowing myself. I will do what makes me happy but not so much that it hurts me. I have never even once felt closer to being a ‘size 4 person’. I can’t relate to that. I will rather be a size 10 someday. Now that would be just amazing. I would rather have a larger than life attitude than have salad for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
So bite me! In celebration of this happy realization, I would throw the past away, far far away. I wish to have more liberating moments for me and for all my loved ones. You guys are a swell. I am at a happy place and soon, you’ll be too.
Note: All pictures are courtesy of Google images. None used in this blog is originally by me.