Are you MARD enough?

India has predominantly been a patriarchal society. Though we consider women as goddesses in theory, men have been in forefront for everything. We cannot forget what great men have done in history to protect over country, to provide for families etc., but if women would have never supported them where would have these men been?

I feel utterly disgusted when I read about these horrendous crimes of rape and molestation against women. Atrocities against women have no boundaries in this country. Women in our country are not safe. They are not safe on the streets. They are not safe in their homes. They are not safe in their offices, schools or playgrounds. Is it possible for any man to ensure our safety? Can anyone promise us that ‘this’ will never happen again? Will women be able go to interviews without any fears? Do we want the world to look at up as a country where women are raped and no action is taken against them?

I ask our politicians, citizens and men in general, what do you think of yourself? You think you are proving your manhood by doing this criminal act that is shameful to even think of? Hey you rapist, did you not think once before raping that 5 years old kid? Did you not feel like killing yourself before you could do this?

I feel totally worthless among these men, who took at women as if they are here to entertain them. It suffocates me to death. I can’t express how I felt when my father said, “Beta, call us twice after you leave from office. You travel from far.” You think he says that to me because they are planning when to have dinner. NO. No, it is because of the rapists who are roaming free, my parents are worried till the moment I step into the house. Their heart skips a beat when I do not pick up their call or if my phone is unavailable. I know exactly what they meant by that and I make sure I call them twice.

We are the fairer sex. Do not mistake us to be the weaker sex. You are the weaker ones. You men who can’t respect women are the weakest of them all. This not a feminist or a sexist comment. This is a fact. But are you guys ‘man’ enough to control yourselves. You are weak in your head and no you are not MARD enough.

We, from this moment need to change the definition of man if things don’t change. Raping girls won’t prove your manhood, you fools. And if this continues, then no woman will look up to their father, brother, husband and her boy friend. Women will have to train their brains to live without any of these around them. Because if they cannot be around for better, they better not be around.

With this I would also like to thank all the men who have stood up for the women in their lives and other women in general. You are true MARD. Only your kinds deserve to live in this society. I also salute those women who are fighting for the victims who are not even related to you. Few men have set an example. Few are yet to get there. The question is Are you MARD enough?

Book Review- Surviving Women by Jerry Pinto

So that day arrives when I finally decide to start writing reviews on the books I read. There are two reasons why I wish to do this. One is to help other readers get a view on what the book is like before they decide to read it. I have two minds on this. I want people to explore the books themselves and decide and not be prejudiced by my opinion but what the heck? There are reviews available there. In 1000 words each, people write reviews for this very reason. But because there is a trend of paid reviews emerging, I would want to give some honest opinions here.

The second reason why I am writing reviews is to remember how I felt about the book when I read it for the first time. When I grow older I might read the books again and have a different point of view about it. Some wise fellow made me realise that if I get to read books at the right time of life I will absorb its true essence better than any other time. I just want to keep my feelings about the books and the opinion presented in the book so that I have something to compare with when I decide to read it again.

So here it goes, my first review for a book called “Surviving Women” by Jerry Pinto.-

I have been reading a lot of books on feminism and chauvinism these days. Dangerously I am reading them simultaneously. I can be highly opinionated at this point of time but also have a clarity of thought regarding my opinions on both the genders.

The author has put together thoughts from the men’s point of view very frankly. Some of the points are bang on and even if it is pointed out to the women I do not know how they are doing to do something to make lives better for men. I trust the experience compiled by the author are true to the fact but I strictly don’t believe some of the points only apply to men. Language for instance that he has pointed out affects men as much as women. If a woman is in utter stress and use harsh words to express it, it is likely to put men off completely. Moreover, they hold on it it much longer than women do at times. So this point was completely biased. Secondly, the fact that men have to sacrifice a lot to give time to their better half. Just to give you an idea, how many times have you heard this line from a woman, ‘I didn’t go to office because my mother-in-law or father-in-law wasn’t well’? The point I am trying to make is that women not only have to take out time for their spouse, but they have to take out time for his entire family. Moreover, if there is a problem in her family she only has to run around to solve. I respect all the men who support their wives unconditionally to take care of all these things. But what about cases where she is a one wo-man army? After all this, that she has gone through what is wrong if she asks her husband to spend time with her. I know women who go out only during the afternoons so that routine of the family doesn’t get disturbed. On the other hand men will prefer going out in the evenings. I am not saying all of them but it is all about your experience right?

The third issue is having a woman friend. They expect more than they say or they say something and expect more. True. But don’t they go all the way to help their male friends. I have had to suggest or buy a gift for a male friend’s friend a thousand times. I have completed journals of 50% of guys in my class when I was in school. That too I made sure it is done within deadline and neatly too. I had to do my own journal too, right? Moreover, male friends as I have seen are more willing to help their female friends than help their male friends. They keep offering help even if the girl doesn’t ask. Why was that left out?
Then there was this point about women at workplace. I sort of agree with the handling of power issue but it is not true always. And why are there more women at workplace is because our parent’s generation realised how important it is to educate girls. The outcome is what we see today. The reason why they do it with more interest because their mother’s generation didn’t get the exposure and opportunity. They don’t want to end up like their mother. On the other hand men are becoming less ambitious. They work because they have to. There might have even been cases of role reversals for all you know. But this might be a phase this generation is going through. There’s a lot on this that is going to happen in this area. So I cannot really comment on this.

I am not commenting on the rest of the book because either I agree with them or I feel I am yet to see a lot to have my opinion on it. But one piece of advice for all the men, the readers of this book from me would be do not try and survive women,  try and live with them. I do not expect you to understand women because it is too much to ask for. We can be as big a challenge as men can be. Men are evolving like women are as each generation pass. Women, as the author mentioned are more evolved being. Let write a book on Surviving Men and I will tell you how evolved men have become in our opinion or how evolved their needs have become. I know it is humanly impossible to gather all the views of men and put them in a book. As rightly put by the author, each woman is a different individual. But each man is equally different. If I am showing a bit of a feminist side of my here that doesn’t mean I have anything against men. On the contrary I love the men in my life. I want them around always and I will there for them no matter how difficult sometimes they are to deal with. But then I would call in “Living with men” and not surviving.

Last thought on the book is that the author has taken effort to filter out views from different men, that might seem important to understand women but it does no help whatsoever. Instead whatever he has put in as his own thoughts is kind of true to life and will at least help men read between lines when they have to.