Who’s your fat friend?

I was barely 11, I realized that ‘Fat’ is a bad word. I have been on the heavier side forever. Still am. Unfortunately, teenage started pretty early for me. Apart from boys, a lot of things became off limits. On one such regular annual school sports day, I had to sit on the bench because I was feeling low. A bunch of misbehaving boys passed by and said something I remember vaguely but I remember it was the most hurtful thing I heard. They thought I was not participating because I was ‘Fat’.

Did I not know I was fat? I was smart enough to compare myself to other kids and realize that I was different. Not that it made any difference because nobody treated me any differently. I was a teacher’s pet. It was true for my class teacher, art teacher and even the physical trainer. So why did it hurt so much?

Body image has ruined little girls’ confidence in themselves, for years. Not only does your doctor but also your parents, relatives, friends, friends of parents’ tell you, “You need to exercise!” Well I understand it is all in good interest but does anyone think how an 11 year old must be taking it? With so much hormonal changes and an age where we are most impressionable it is likely that things which happen at this age will stick with us for life.

Not to forget all the pretty little slender girls who always exceled in sprinting and relay runs and all that. And me? I have been asked to leave a racing track mid-way because all other contestants were already at the end line and others were waiting at start line.

Coming years were more painful because I just gained weight. At home we had the simplest staples for all three meals. Mum’s an excellent cook and she made simple stuff taste great. During our childhood, a pizza was a luxury; more like a thing you get on your birthday only. People who are otherwise so supportive of me gave me advice on what I should eat and what I should avoid. More and more turn in to tell you what is good and what is not, for you. With that you feel more ashamed, more terrified and more wrong about your body. You never grow up to be comfortable with what you are and consider it to be an obstacle for doing so many things. You start giving weight as an excuse to skip a sport. What if nobody planted this seed of doubt in you? Would you at least attempt that high jump? You would.

As much as I want to become thin and slender, a part of me, the 11 year old me, asks me to not lose myself in the process. Health is very important. For that you need to eat right but no one can stop you from running that 4k marathon if you have decided to do so. Don’t stop to dance because it might look odd. A 27 year old me, is far more confident and can give anyone a tough time. But this aggressive confidence didn’t come overnight. My entire teenage was sacrificed in making myself strong.

I urge you guys, whoever is reading. Please never pick on fat people. They have their own struggles and beneath all that fat are wonderful people who will surprise you if you give them a chance. Teach your kids not to tease a fat friend. It all starts at home. Well, in all fairness fat people are not the only ones under the large microscope of the society. We have so many stereotypes. Learn to be a little sensitive. It is a sweet world and it is up to us to maintain the sweetness.

Are you MARD enough?

India has predominantly been a patriarchal society. Though we consider women as goddesses in theory, men have been in forefront for everything. We cannot forget what great men have done in history to protect over country, to provide for families etc., but if women would have never supported them where would have these men been?

I feel utterly disgusted when I read about these horrendous crimes of rape and molestation against women. Atrocities against women have no boundaries in this country. Women in our country are not safe. They are not safe on the streets. They are not safe in their homes. They are not safe in their offices, schools or playgrounds. Is it possible for any man to ensure our safety? Can anyone promise us that ‘this’ will never happen again? Will women be able go to interviews without any fears? Do we want the world to look at up as a country where women are raped and no action is taken against them?

I ask our politicians, citizens and men in general, what do you think of yourself? You think you are proving your manhood by doing this criminal act that is shameful to even think of? Hey you rapist, did you not think once before raping that 5 years old kid? Did you not feel like killing yourself before you could do this?

I feel totally worthless among these men, who took at women as if they are here to entertain them. It suffocates me to death. I can’t express how I felt when my father said, “Beta, call us twice after you leave from office. You travel from far.” You think he says that to me because they are planning when to have dinner. NO. No, it is because of the rapists who are roaming free, my parents are worried till the moment I step into the house. Their heart skips a beat when I do not pick up their call or if my phone is unavailable. I know exactly what they meant by that and I make sure I call them twice.

We are the fairer sex. Do not mistake us to be the weaker sex. You are the weaker ones. You men who can’t respect women are the weakest of them all. This not a feminist or a sexist comment. This is a fact. But are you guys ‘man’ enough to control yourselves. You are weak in your head and no you are not MARD enough.

We, from this moment need to change the definition of man if things don’t change. Raping girls won’t prove your manhood, you fools. And if this continues, then no woman will look up to their father, brother, husband and her boy friend. Women will have to train their brains to live without any of these around them. Because if they cannot be around for better, they better not be around.

With this I would also like to thank all the men who have stood up for the women in their lives and other women in general. You are true MARD. Only your kinds deserve to live in this society. I also salute those women who are fighting for the victims who are not even related to you. Few men have set an example. Few are yet to get there. The question is Are you MARD enough?